03
Apr
08

Proudly Proclaiming

proudly-proclaiming.gifToday, I am one with Lilac Colored Glasses in writing about a feminist topic near and dear to my heart, sexual equity. (Pulling this one from the deli pickle jar- pun intended!)

First, let me state that I am not talking about reproduction rights or anything that falls into that category. What I am talking about is what ‘kids today’ refer to as “friends with benefits”.  It is maybe not such a bad thing I think. 

C’mon, pick your jaw up off the floor and let me finish.

Sex is not a bad thing. All living things need sex for one reason or another. It is only human beings that add the gender element to the pot and it is that gender element and the stereotypes associated with gender that make things problematic.  Why is it OK for men to be able to have a sexual encounter for the sake of it, walk away, and not be considered a man slut?  Even during the free-love hey-day (I admit, I was one of those), women could not REALLY just have an encounter and walk away without someone having something to say about it. Sex is NOT JUST for making babies, it meets a basic physiological need!

I do want to preface this thought with one thing…the age factor. I am NOT talking about pre-pubescent  aged children. I still believe that sexual encounters (beyond kissing and first-base stuff) before the age of 16 is a major no-no because they are not emotionally or psychologically the least bit prepared/mature enough to objectively deal.

Now,  friends with benefits.  You decide that you want to have sex because you WANT TO and NEED TO. Here is where it is different from the 60s. Then, you just did it and didn’t think twice about safety issues and most of the time you didn’t know who you were hooking up with, not too bright for either gender. Now,  you make a conscious decision to do it safely (protected) with someone you know and trust and you walk away knowing that your desires/needs were met with mutual respect and understanding.  That is one set of elements of friendship, mutual respect and understanding.  If we add the additional element of support (be there for me when I NEED you) we have a friend with benefits.  No ‘bad’ girl or boy connotation….just getting what you need…..physiologically speaking, this really isn’t a bad thing…it is a rather  safe thing. 

 Gender equity, you want sex, I want sex, we act as informed consumers, keep it safe and clean, help each other out and say bye-bye, see ya tomorrow! Something to chew on….no pun intended!

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2 Responses to “Proudly Proclaiming”


  1. April 3, 2008 at 4:52 am

    Indeed. While I’d be tempted to take this further with a bit of research and exposition on the Biblically/patriarchally imposed “woman as temptress” hypothesis, I have my own post to write, so I’ll hold off on it. I’ll try to get the Mister Linky up and working in an hour or two so we can get you linked up there.

  2. April 3, 2008 at 4:35 pm

    A recently divorced friend of mine wrote a rant in her blog against monogamy. She felt it was unnatural and unrestrictive. I wrote back that it’s okay to feel that way, but that it’s important to respect the commitments others have made to monogamy. Turns out she wrote that because she was sleeping with a married man. Not cool in my book. I agree that men and women should have the same social autonomy in their sex lives, but I’m afraid that sometimes people take such autonomy too far. It’s okay to make such choices for yourself, but not to interfere with the choices of others.


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