31 years and counting

Did you ever think of what it takes to BE WITH A PERSON for 31 years? Let’s reflect on that for a minute.

31 years equals…

372 months
11,315 days
271,560 hours
16,293,600 minutes
977,616,000 seconds OR heartbeats

Any way you count it or look at it, it is a loooong time, especially by today’s standards.

Divorce rates in the US run anywhere from 41-50% (http://www.aboutdivorce.org/us_divorce_rates.html)

Today is DD and my 31st anniversary…and I can tell you that it has been work folks…GOOD, SOLID, SHARED WORK.

People have asked me, how do you do it? Here are my answers…

1. RESPECT…you can be very very different people (and DD and I are almost polar opposites)…you must have respect for one another as individuals. No respect = no foundation. RESPECT MUST come before love!

2. SENSE OF HUMOR…you have to laugh at yourself and each other. Let’s face it, ABSOLUTELY NOBODY is perfect and we all make really really stupid boneheaded moves at times. You CANNOT take everything seriously all of the time or you will sink into a deep and unrecoverable depression (this comes from personal experience, believe me on this one, for sure).

3. FLEXIBILITY…if you are rigid in your beliefs and the way you deal with things, you are DOOMED. You have to be able to go with the flow sometimes (and for some people that can actually be excrutiatingly painful) and you have to just be spontaneous…ACT, don’t always react!

4. SHARING…there has to be give and take…again, in all honesty, sometimes one person gives or takes more than the other…SOOOOOO WHAT as long as there is give an take…each of us on any given day NEEDS to take to survive and on other days our ability to give may seem endless. The idea is to have some of both between both of you.

5. COMMUNICATION…I’ll be honest on this one folks….the one way I often choose to “protect” myself when I’m feeling put upon is to isolate myself. I stay away, I don’t communicate, I try to deescalate myself by being by myself. And, I’m still learning that this DOESN’T WORK. It might make me feel OK for a second ot two…just enough to get my blood pressure down, but in the longrun, you HAVE to communicate. DD has earned MAJOR HUGE GALACTIC STARS in our 31 years for recognizing this really bad attribute of mine and NOT holding it against me in any way….my man is a master at getting me to communicate…it may be thru a ton of tears, but that’s OK too….we end up resolving things through communication.

6. SEX…bet you thought I wouldn’t mention this one…doesn’t hurt to have a little of this on a regular basis…do remember that sex comes in multiple forms including nice warm massages, little text messages, a romantic evening out at a movie or show or dinner (or all of them) and even just a hug around the neck or a kiss on the cheek when least expected.

I guess we are doing something right since 31 years came around pretty quickly and relatively painlessly. We continue to respect each other for our differences even as we have grown in some similarities (we’re both really overweight 🙂 ); we laugh at our idiosyncracies…that is why we are who we are; we make changes as they need to be made…YES, they are hard changes and we aren’t always happy making some of them, but we make them; we share in many ways—we share accomplishments AND failures, we share in joys AND frustrations; we communicate, boy do we communicate and I am trying hard TO BE BETTER AT IT…(You CAN teach and old dog new tricks); and since this is realy a G or PG rated blog, I won’t go into the Sex part of the relationship….let’s just say that it is still working fluidly ;P

With good nature and good Karma…perhaps we shall celebrate 31 more!

Love you Eddie!


10 Responses to “31 years and counting”

  1. 2 hotmamamia
    June 26, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    I love you too,and Happy Anniversary!!!!!

  2. 3 Carrie
    June 27, 2008 at 9:30 am

    Good advice Diane…Thank you!

  3. June 28, 2008 at 7:25 pm

    happy anniversary! 🙂

    this made me think. pity it’s about 10 years too late.

    oh well.

  4. 5 hotmamamia
    June 30, 2008 at 12:07 am

    Carrie–Thank you…sometimes I even follow my own advice 🙂

    Holly–Thank you muchly! Never too late…..teehee….

  5. 6 DD
    June 30, 2008 at 7:16 am

    31 Absolutely wonderful years-Thank you

  6. 7 Nancy
    June 30, 2008 at 3:39 pm

    Congrats, a little late. It does make you stop and go HUH??? We will be celebrating 41 years the end of the month, hard for us to believe too!!

  7. June 30, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    Happy Anniversary! And you’re so right on each of those points, even if my DH and I are only at the “beginning” – just 18 years so far. 😉

  8. 9 hotmamamia
    June 30, 2008 at 7:15 pm

    Nancy–Amazing…you two still look like kids!

    Jen–18 is a good number…ever hear of l’chayim? Rootword = chai = 18

  9. July 4, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    oh…. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY !!! I missed this because we weren’t home.
    Big hug

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