I Miss you Mummy…

Five years.

It has been exactly five years today that I lost my mummy to cancer. And, it is still so raw.

It is so easy for me to sit and weep. I lost  mummy in what I consider the worst way possible. She was unbelieveably brave, but she was also so very scared. Everything that she feared about cancer happened to her.  And to her spirit and her credit, she fought. She fought hard, but the battle was lost relatively quickly.

At times of happiness and stress, I think of you, and weep. I weep for weddings you won’t see, great-grandchildren you will never meet, pride in your children’s and grandchildren’s accomplishments never shared. I weep for your love and compassion that I often took for granted.

I weep for daddy…he really misses you terribly; but OH MY GOODNESS, would you be proud of him and how well he has taken care of himself. He still weeps over his last birthday card that you struggled to sign.

A dull, throbbing pain in my heart, an aching emptiness…sometimes it comes out of the blue and I must stop and respond to it; your memory is as strong as ever and I will always carry it with me.

Five years; I miss you mummy.


9 weeks to Specs and Cabanaland


7 Responses to “I Miss you Mummy…”

  1. September 20, 2008 at 3:07 am

    I have no words of comfort for you. Your pain is so clear. Sending you a hug, although it won’t help.

  2. September 20, 2008 at 5:41 am

    I miss her too Mum. I miss her very badly every time I do something that I know she’d have been proud of or would have wanted to see. Every time Hans and I discuss children I miss her so badly. I think of how much she would like him (but still tell me we couldn’t be buried next to each other). I remember the conversation we had on the phone soon before she died where she told me to “keep my nose clean” and how proud she was of me.
    I hate the way she had to die and I’ll miss her forever. But I am more blessed for having her in my life and in my blood than I am agrieved for losing her.

  3. September 20, 2008 at 3:00 pm

    My heart goes out to you. I still miss my mom so much, and it’s already been 13 years. There are no words, I know, nothing that can undo it or make it not just hurt and suck so much, but you are in my thoughts. I do a little special thing that means something to me on the anniversaries, and it helps. It’s normal to hurt so terribly when we have lost someone we loved, and I allow myself to wrap the pain around me that day, to take the time to remember who I lost. Hugs to you.

  4. September 21, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    Huge, huge hugs. Cancer is an absolutely insidious disease. I’m glad you had the wonderful relationship with her that you did, and that she clearly had so many who loved her.

  5. September 22, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    dropping by on my way from your daughter’s blog to offer a hello and {{{hugs}}}!

  6. September 25, 2008 at 5:45 am

    That was so beautiful and sad. Mum’s are the best aren’t they? My mum lost her mum (my lovely gran) when I was 11 and my mum was just 38. Cancer is the cruelest thing because it takes people too young and too soon. My heart goes out to you and lilacs and all your family.

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September 2008
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