Want a peek at my stomach? How about my colon? My feet?

AT LONG LAST…what you have all been waiting for with baited breath.  MY PSA (Public Service Announcement for getting your innards checked).

Seriously folks…I do plan to show you the pictures, so if this topic turns you off, do sign off now.

First I had the endoscopy.  Arrived at 6:30 AM and got taken right back to the procedure room. It is so nice to be FIRST…no waiting, no worrying if the doctor is going to get called out or anything. And, my weight was where it needed to be as I had eliminated the 2 gnarly pounds I previsouly discussed.

One of my greatest assets is the fact that I can fall asleep anytime and anywhere. So they really didn’t have to worry about me relaxing enough for the procedure…say the word and I am in my own twilight.  But, alas, I do have a mighty fine gag reflex, so drugs were most certainly needed to ensure they would have a jolly easy time feeding the tube down my throat.  “Turn on your left side”, “Put your head on this pillow like this” and that was the last thing I heard…until DD was making light conversation to wake me up….I actually think I heard myself snore in the middle of all of this…but, I stirred, then drimmeled, stirred again enough to hear that I had a hiatal hernia…a small one…but that I had NOT done any damage to my esophogus from the reflux and honestly, if I lose weight, that will take care of the problem and likely end the need for Prilosec.  This is a good thing.

Next up was the colon. How can I count the ways that one can run like a madman for the toilet? Colonoscopy prep is the fastest way I have ever found to lose a good five pounds. Not that I would want to make a habit of strapping a potty chair to my butt, BUT, my God, who would believe so much is still stuck in you? Such a joy that Sunday was…Lilacspecs chatted with her dad the entire time I was trotting back and forth to the loo. Monday comes and back to the same MD. He comes in all ready to go and looks at me and says, “Weren’t you just here?”  Like, DUH….”I asked if you could do both ends the same day, but nooooooo, could not be done…so here I am yet again for the poke at the bottom end.” (Said this with a smile and a laugh as the man was about to invade my butt and I didn’t want to make him unhappy.)

Ahem, assume the position once again, get the IV again, go niteynight again.  This time it was a little different though cause I FELT IT on the way out. That was wierd, not painful, not even uncomfortable, just WIERD to feel this tube thingy jiggling around where only food byproducts should be. I heard myself say, “oh, I can feel that, I can feel that…uh, I can feel that” and then I dozed back off.

Outcome (no pun intended- HA!), I had several small eraserhead size polyps removed and sent off for investigation. It took a little longer than I expected, but they came back clean (damn well should be clean after I shit myself to death getting ready for this test).  All in all, it really wasn’t a bad test.

Last, I went to the foot doctor and NO, I do NOT have plantar fasciitis, but I do have some ligament issues on the sides of my feet-lateral faciitis he called it. Basically the ligaments tighten up when I am not standing so that when I do stand up, ZING…the pain just shoots through my feet until the ligaments stretch out. I can do some stretching exercises, eh….but he thought that it would be better to give my feel more support so he ordereed custom orthodics.

So, I THOUGHT  I would get to stick my feet in goo for them to take impressions, but, NO…I had to lay on my stomach and they wrapped some kind of plaster around my feet to get the mold!  RATS, I couldn’t get any pics of the process, just the product.  According to everyone,  my WEIGHT had nothing to do with my foot pain…WOOHOO for that.  I got the impressions done on May 27th…and got the funky inserts a week later….jeez louise…they add an inch to my height! I guess that isn’t entirely bad!

I am healthy on the inside, at least my stomach and colon are and that is a good thing. The feet are survivable and I got an inch taller in my orthotic shoes. What more can one ask for??

ALRIGHT, I hear you…pictures, pictures, we want pictures. Here are my latest portraits, for your viewing pleasure!

Now, GO GET YOUR COLON checked! PSA, signing off!


4 Responses to “Want a peek at my stomach? How about my colon? My feet?”

  1. June 17, 2009 at 3:20 am

    Eeeew! But glad everything is healthy and that you got something for your feet.

  2. June 19, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Glad you are all good to go! (every pun intended)

    Next up – mammogram?

  3. 3 judie
    June 23, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    too much information…la la la! should have turned it off when you told me to, but glad you are o.k. call me when everything heals 🙂

  4. July 3, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    Glad that everything is ok! I even laughed when I was reading this… but the moment I will have this examination I think I don’t laugh anymore 🙂

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