11
Sep
16

Elizabeth Vargas and me

It seems that each day, when I tune in to Good Morning America, I see another famous person discussing an illness/disease/condition that has lifelong affects on them and those around them. The other  morning it was Elizabeth Vargas. I had heard about her fight with alcoholism many years ago. It broke up her marriage and nearly destroyed her news broadcasting career. That morning she was talking to Diane Sawyer about how it felt, the downward spiral, the guilt, fear, anger, angst…

And she was telling my story….what she described in living and dealing with her disease, alcoholism, was nearly word for word what I have dealt with and continue to deal with in depression.

I am in good company…Bruce Springsteen and Elizabeth Vargas.

In my last revised post, I started to share about my road to discovery. Today I will continue along the yellow brick path.

I was talking about contacting the local mental health hospital to become a part of their depression study.

I got an appointment and one of the first questions I was asked was why I was there.  Good question.

I said I felt like something was always wrong. I explained that I guess people maybe called them mood swings. I felt I wasn’t bi-polar in the sense that I demonstrated super highs and super lows, no, I was inexplicably moody. It bothered me and it concerned my husband. I had that feeling deep down that something wasn’t quite right. Then I added that I was working on my doctoral degree full time, had a toddler, was busy like so many others, but the moods were starting to get to me and make me weepy. I immediately pronounced myself stressed from life in general…duh!

I also mentioned that  mental health services were, and still are, extraordinarily expensive and barely covered by health insurance. I thought this would be a good way to get help.

He listened intently then gave me a slew of forms. I went in a meeting-style room and filled out all of the forms, signed all sorts of releases, and was cleared to at least enter the first phase which was the actual entry interview and initial assessment. I took a test, in retrospect it was the same test I took before with Dr. F, and afterwards I sat with the intake therapist and we talked. He asked me very specific questions about my childhood and teen years, my responses to various things that happened during those years and all the time we talked he drew. It looked like doodling or maybe some form of note taking; I wasn’t sure exactly what it was until later.

At the end of the discussion he turned the paper around to show me what looked like a sinusoidal wave…like this:

waveform

and he had listed the events in my life and my responses along the wave,

and it was as CLEAR AS A BRGHT SUNNY DAY

…cyclical depression…

The highs stayed the same, but the depression troughs got deeper each time and it took longer to come out of the episode. I was dumbfounded, seriously…there it was, in picture form, so very easy to see, and understand. I was elated that just maybe, MAYBE, I had an answer to what was going on and that I might really be able to get a handle on it.

Now, here comes the really good part…

Ready? Are you sitting down?

I was NOT DEPRESSED ENOUGH TO GET INTO THE STUDY!

Jeez Louise.  Oh, yes…I WAS DEPRESSED, no doubt about that, but, oh, so sorry…not enough to get help here. They suggested I check with my PCP to see who might be able to offer me services. We know that didn’t work…

I left the clinic…

DEPRESSED

 

Advertisements

0 Responses to “Elizabeth Vargas and me”



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Today’s Special

September 2016
S M T W T F S
« Mar   Oct »
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  

Oldies but Goodies

Awards!


%d bloggers like this: